Mario and Luigi Establish Communism in the West
by epic-fortniter-69420
Summary: Mario is fed up with toads being so care free and innocent. He wants them to feel the same pain as adults do when putting up with every day life. obvious joke fic.


"Aaaaaaah."

Mario's throat tingled as he yawned and rubbed his eyes.

He flung the red blanket off his body as he climbed down the ladder, knocking on the side of the bed to inform his brother that it was the morning. Mario felt cozy as he slid on his slippers and headed into the kitchen.

"Morning, bro." Luigi said with a yawn. "Morning, Luigi. Grab a seat, breakfast is almost ready."

The kitchen echoed with the sizzles of eggs and bacon, and the smell was heavenly. Mario looked outside and watched as the little Toads played with ignorance, not aware of the real world. No thoughts about mortgages or conflict. The thought of those little bastards not worrying about the struggles of being an adult pissed Mario off. He had to do something about it.

Luigi looked up at Mario slamming his fist on the counter.

"What's the matter, bro?" Luigi asked, concerned for his brother's well being.

"All these a fucking Toads, Luigi! Look at them. These little a fuckers don't have any cares in the world. Makes me want to tie em up and show them the harsh realities of the real world, goddamnit!" "M-mario, you're a scaring me." Mario turned and gave his brother in green the deadliest death stare of death ever of. "Grow a fucking pair, Luigi!" Luigi swallowed. "We have to do something about this!" Luigi got up from his seat. "What are you saying Mario?" Mario just grinned. "We need to establish a system where everyone has equal priorities and responsibilities. Force them to work and berate them for not doing a good enough job. Serve these a little fuckers right for taunting us with their freedom!"

Luigi didn't know why, but something about Mario's rant felt right.

"I...I don't know what's gotten into you, bro, but I think I like it." Mario smiled. "That's the spirit! Let's finish breakfast first though, a thick boy like me gotta eat!" The brothers laughed and stuffed their faces with bacon.

The streets of Brooklyn were usually cluttered with trash and debris, but soon enough, Mario and Luigi would make sure that no one would ever have the chance to litter again. After all, why take the time to throw away meaningless junk when you have two overlords to worship?

"Yeah. Overlords. That sounds about right." Mario thought to himself.

"Say, Mario. I forgot. Where're we headed to again?"

"Well, I figured we can't just charge head on into the American government, so we'll need some help." Luigi pushed up an eyebrow. "That still doesn't answer my question." Mario spread his arms out as he gestured towards a large building. "This is what we walked miles into the Dry Dry Desert for? Mario, it looks abandoned!" Mario wagged his finger.

"Looks are deceiving, Luigi. This here building is not abandoned. In fact, I think you'll a find that these sectors hold more entities than the apartments people like you and I lived in."

"Entities?" Luigi repeated, confused by what his brother ment. Mario just laughed.

"It's better if you just learn from observing."

Luigi shook it off and followed his brother towards the building. As they approached it, Mario started to wave towards two men at the front of the building who appeared armed and dangerous. Luigi was starting to get nervous. "M-mario, are you sure these people are friendly?"

Mario looked at Luigi. "Don't worry bro, they know who we are."

They got into comfortable speaking range.

"Morning, Mario." One of the guards said. "Coming to talk to Dr. Hawk again?" Mario nodded. Luigi waved and gave a nervous smile. The guards pushed open the doors. "This way, please." Mario and Luigi followed after the guard. Luigi looked around in amazement at the sparkly tiles. The place looked a lot better on the inside. The group headed down some stairs when Luigi caught something out of the corner of his eye.

He watched as two guards on the balcony above walked with a man in an orange jumpsuit. One in front of the man and one behind. They appeared to be escorting the man somewhere.

"M-mario, are we in a prison?" The guard laughed.

"I suppose you could call it that. The thing is, we don't house many humans in this facility.

That wasn't much help to Luigi. It just made him even more skeptical. "B-but Mario said there were lots of sectors around the country. Why do you have such spacious jails if you don't keep lots of prisoners here?" The guard laughed slightly once more. "We house lots of things that aren't exactly human, if that helps any. We're obligated to keep things private however, so with all due respect, we can't say much more." Luigi felt more scared than that time a Boo flew out from his closet. It just happened to be the week when his Poltergust was being repaired as well.

Mario acted as though the guard hadn't said anything odd. Mario was always prone to accept things at face value, however. Mario had obviously been here before, because even he had some level of knowing when something seemed off.

The thought that something like this was no big deal in reality calmed him down a bit, but the fear was still fresh in his mind. The guard gestured for mario and luigi to follow him inside. Luigi took a deep breath and continued following his brother.

After what felt like an eternity to Luigi, the group finally reached a door.

"Alright, he's in here. Seeya, Mario, you too Luigi." The guard headed back as Mario opened the door and shut it quickly behind them.

The doctor spun his chair around and smiled at Mario and Luigi. "Hey, Mario!" Luigi looked on the desk to see the doctor's name plate which read "Doctor Mike Hawk" in bold lettering.

The doctor suddenly reached into his pocket and a crash emanated from the corner of the room. Luigi jerked his head quickly and looked at the broken mess of machinery on the floor. In the mess of rubble Luigi located what appeared to be a simple throwing knife. "All right, let's cut the shit. What do you want?" Mario put his arm on the table and smirked at Mr. Hawk. "We have a big a favour to ask of you." The doctor rubbed his head. "What do you need this time?" Mario hesitated. "We need some... hitmen."

"No more than five. That's all I can give you right now. With the breach last week, I don't want to run the risk of us getting fucked in the case another one occurs. "My 'special' staff, as you know, are limited, as well." Mario nodded. "I'm a fully aware, doc."

"Alright. You should know the cost for 5 men. And make it snappy."

Mario started out the office, and Luigi followed. "Oh! Luigi, was it?" Luigi turned around to see the doctor hop over the desk and stare Luigi dead in the face. "I think you can guess what'll happen to you if you tell anyone about this." He threw back on his initial smile. "Bye!"

"Luigi, you ok, bro?" Luigi was shaking in his boots since they exited the office. He leaned in close to Mario and whispered in his ear, looking back at the door.

"Don't a worry, bro. He just didn't know you were in on this." Luigi calmed down a bit.

He looked to his right and saw a dark hallway with two men standing on either sides of the opening. Mario turned to look at what he was looking at and stopped. "Oh! This is where we needed to go next." Mario looked up to the guards. "Hey, guys, I have to go down this way for a moment." The guards stepped aside.

"Mario, what're we doing down here? It's dark." Mario pointed to a sign. Luigi looked at the yellow sign and in big bold letters, "SCP - 294" was written in bold, black lettering. Luigi just thought it was fancy shmancy government talk and ignored it. He turned his attention to the corner of the sign and stared at a picture of a big coffee machine with a keyboard welded on the body.

"You a brought your wallet like I asked, right?" Mario asked. "That's right!" Luigi said reassuringly, trying to stay positive. Mario reached into his pocket and placed a key card over a green scanner on the wall next to a big door. It opened as a small gust of air hit luigi's face.

Mario's shoes pounded on the floor as he walked over to the machine. It towered over both him and Luigi. Luigi was reluctant to walk toward it. A strange sense of dread came over him. Mario didn't seemed phased as he moved his hand over the keyboard after depositing two quarters into the coin slot located next to it.

"What kind of coffee machine has a keyboard?" Mario gestured Luigi to come closer. Luigi audibly swallowed. Luigi tip-toed over.

"Sul…phur...ic..acid." Mario spoke as he typed away at the keyboard. This did not help Luigi get a better understanding of their current situation.

 _Hmmmmmm…_

The machine hummed as a clear liquid was dispensed from the machine and landed in the paper cup underneath. "Mario, that's just water." Mario preceded to pull out a regular paper cup out from under his hat and poured the liquid into it. The liquid fell straight threw the cup as if it was non existent. Mario turned the cup over to show Luigi the hole in the bottom. "Mario, what the hell is going on here? This is like a bad fanfiction stupid!" "This is no ordinary coffee machine, as you may be able to tell by now, Luigi. This coffee machine will dispense any matter you wish in liquid form if it is naturally able to be converted into a liquid. This entire organization houses entities and phenomena unusual or harmful to the environment." luigi fucking shit his pants lmao and pulled up his big boy pampers. "M-M-Mario, you know i hate stuff like this!" "I know, luigi. You need to get some balls my brother." luigi gulped. "What do we need this acid for?" Mario laughed. "We are going to kill Obama and become the new dictators of the mushroom kingdom! Today the kingdom, tomorrow the world!" Mario laughed so hard his big boy pants were falling a little bit. "Then once we are kings, we will make the entire world have diaper fetishes like us!"

"I guess. I may be a kinky fuck, but that doesn't everyone else should be as kinky as us!" Mairo tsked. "Hey. once we take over the world and become communists it will be our fetish."

Luigi's diapey smooshed at that thought. "Now no more sexy thoughts right now, we got a president to kill. Get your hot ass over here and fill these cups with acid." Luigi complied and started shoveling quarters into the slot.

By the end of the day they had a few litres of acid and a hurting wallet. "Lets take these bad boys back to the house." Mario said, eager to get revenge on those toadstool twats. On the way home Luigi was very careful while carrying the acid as to not drop it and burn his cock and balls. Luigi's family jewels squirmed around at that thought. It was like his balls were 12 year olds at a fortnite themed dance party. The inhabitants of Brooklyn stared at Mario and Luigi carrying paper cups quizzically. "The fuck are you jabronies doing?" Wario said as he turned a corner and saw Mario and Luigi. "We're going to rid the world of these ignorant pigs in human clothing!" Mario declared. His fist clenched only slightly as to not spill the acid and burn the hand he uses to jerk his gherkin. Wario chuckled a bit. "Mario, you couldn't kill a goomba taped to a question block. Don't claim shit you can't achieve." Mario's diaper flared up and he threw the cups up high in the air and punched Wario in the face. He bled on the ground and fucking shit himself. Mario dabbed and caught the cups. "Fuck you wario! You're just a filthy asshole who gets pleasure out of feet porn!" Mario spat on Wario's face and walked off with Luigi behind him. "Mario, was that really necessary?" Luigi asked. "Of course. I'll be dead before I let that fat bitch talk down to me." Maroo grit his teeth and stomped his feets. Mario creaked the door open and sat his fat ass down. "Holy shit today was exhausting." Mario said. "We walked like 3 miles total today. You're a fat bitch Mario." Luigi complained. "Like I said Luigi, I'm a fat mofo so I can't walk much." Mario sighed and turned on the television. Luigi heard his brother groan in frustration in the other room. "What's the matter, bro?" Luigi put his hand on the wall and turned the corner to see Mario watching President Barack Obama giving a speech about something. "There he is, Luigi. The bastard we're out for. What kind of retard wears a faggoty-ass scarf like that while talking about a school shooting?" Mario gestured to the neckwear the president was wearing.

Meanwhile...

The wind was chilling, but it was warm compared to his heart. Absolutely shattered, A scream resonated out from his mouth that shook the pine trees surrounding him. His knees dug into the snow as he collapsed over his brother's ashes. "Who did this to you?" Through a cough, his brother replied. "O-Ob-" His last breath was cut short as Sans now held nothing but some dust and a small american flag, His brother's orange scarf nowhere to be seen. He would not let this act of mockery go unpunished.


End file.
